Friends

We all need friends- we need people to share our lives with, (as women) we need friends to bring balance and perspective though it is great to have a spouse, we need other friends.

As previously mentioned, having a child with special needs, often leaves us lonely and isolated. We fear judgement and lack of understanding from the world around us, because we have encountered those who are less than kind about or to our children. We fear that others who have not walked our journey won’t know how to relate to us or our kids, so often we are the ones who create walls trying to protect ourselves from negativity.

I cannot stress enough the importance of good friendships, especially in light of the challenges we face.  I recently have become friends with some moms on facebook who have children with disabilities. It matters not that out children share a diagnosis, but rather that someone else can appreciate and understand the life we lead- just perhaps maybe in a different capacity. We need friends from all walks of life, each person we meet and become friends with has the potential to make our lives better- just by being a friend.

In my personal journey of being a mom, I have been so lonely (it’s ok to admit it if you feel lonely too).  I intend to start trying to seek out parents in our community who have special kids who might need a friend. One of the main focuses of our foundation is to build relationships. Courtland’s Hope Foundation is more than about just meeting the financial needs of families with special kids; we are here for you throughout the journey….. You are not alone!

Another Child?

Recently, I read an article that got me thinking about having another child. It was good, but I just wanted to put my own slant on it.

I read a quote that said “our biggest obstacle is the picture we have in our minds of how things should be.” Growing up, I had the idea I would be married in my 20s, and have two or three kids (though really I wanted 4) and just live happily ever after. That did not turn out to be the case….. I did not get married until I was 29 and didn’t have a child until I was 30. I had a lot of complications during pregnancy and had a month long stay in the hospital. After Courtland was born, I was in really rough shape.

After about a year or so, I thought about having another child. However, I already knew something was amiss with Courtland, so I just did not pursue having another one.  THEN, when he was about 2, he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Well, then I just had a lot of stuff to deal with….like what if we have another child and our younger child surpasses Courtland in what he/she can do- how will we feel, then is it fair to Courtland or the other child because Courtland needs more of our time? I thought I would feel awful and that it would not be fair for either one of them.

I WAS NOT MENTALLY PREPARED to have another child and that was/is okay.

If you have a child with special needs, it is difficult to decide whether having another child is the right thing to do. Some people feel that the other child gives them what they felt they missed out on with their special needs child. It took me a long time to be okay with the idea that I was not going to have another child. In fact just recently, we talked about it again, but now, we are just feeling old! 

So here is the take away- don’t let others pressure you to have another child if you are not sure.  In the midst of looking after your child, you need to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually. Stop allowing yourself to feel like you are not a family if you only have one child, and last (but not least) stop letting that picture in your head cloud the reality of what is- If you have a child who requires all your attention, and you are not sure if having another one is right for you, then just love the child you have- there is nothing wrong with only having one!